the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
