my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
