So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
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Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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