either way he was missing a nipple.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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