Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
