Well apparently he's into motor boating.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
