Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
