i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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