drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
