I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
