I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
