just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
as a side note pls kill me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
