I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
