fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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