I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
