just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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