Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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