Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
