Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
