Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
