How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
