My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
