i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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