so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
