I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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