just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
