his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
