Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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