are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think i have herpe
just one?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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