Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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