i wish semen tasted like chocolate
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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