dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
be right there i have to get my cape
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
