just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
