I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
