you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
