sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we're making bets on your personal life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
