bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
