her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
