at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
