remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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