the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
