Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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