Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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