I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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