i think my tv is drunk
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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