No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
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Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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