is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
