Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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