he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
