I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
