She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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