i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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