Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she told me i tasted like america
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
