i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
