We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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