For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
do herpes really smell.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
