things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
