His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
