yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
