Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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