Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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